Dodging the Abyss

Why does the press insist on spending so much time covering the war? Think global warming is important? Think again. How bout the national debt? The healthcare crisis? None of those things are what really matters in today’s world.

Anyone with an internet connection and an email address surely knows that *the* important issues facing our society today are penis size, sexual performance, colon cleansing and helping out all those tragic women from other countries whose dear departed husbands died leaving behind millions of dollars that the poor widow is eager to share with some faceless American stranger.

Judging by my inbox, we must be a country filled with under endowed men who need to boost their performance as well as their size, while ridding their bodies of colon-clogging, health-depleting, obesity-inducing toxins, so that they may live long and happy lives and share in the fortunes of wealthy, altruistic foreign widows.